Survival Tip #530

Don't rest a vacuum on a counter in order to reach the ceiling with it. You may end up vacuuming more than the ceiling.

What is actually wrong with this picture?

This is in addition to my last post.
I went to Queens yesterday with my parents to visit my yummy deliciousness - that's swahili for my niece and nephew. I got in the car and my dad says "where's my money?" b/c he always asks me to pay for things as a joke. So "I said I don't have any money for you. But I do have a water gun..." and my dad's response was "that doesn't help me. I want my money!"

OMFG!!! Has it become completely normal to carry a water gun?! Did I wake up one day in some alternate universe? Why when I tell ppl I have a water gun do they not ask why I'm carrying it? What is going on here? I wonder what else I could get away with....hmm......

What is wrong with this picture?

Last night, as I always do, I made sure my bag and everything I need for work were in their spot so that I don't have to think in the morning and I can just grab and run and not have to worry that I forgot something. If I have to think in the morning, it's never a good situation. One time, I thought too much, that I ended up at work an hour early. Uncool.
So I lay all my stuff out the night before to prevent any thinking disasters. I grabbed all my stuff, and got to work only to find that my water gun had leaked all over the inside of my bag - despite the fact that it was in a zip-lock - who claim that yellow and blue make green and that's how you know it's sealed. well yellow and blue did not make green this morning, my friends, because much of the contents of my bag were very wet. So I took them all out to dry, spreading a lot of the wet papers out by the window - thank God there is sun today. So I had stuff all over my desk and my copies of my tax forms were lying out for all to see. And I was pretty upset.
Many people walked by my desk and asked why I was upset, or why my desk was so cluttered, or more importantly, why my tax form copies were lying out. (why they are still in my bag is a way better question to which I can only say that I totally forgot they were in there). I simply answered the truth. My water gun leaked all over my bag and everything got wet so I need it all to dry.

Ok.

Each person responded something like "oh...ok....I hope they dry soon...be careful with the tax forms...." and walked away.

What is wrong with this picture?!

I have the plague!*

I was home for Pesach playing with my yummy yummy niece when she noticed a scrape on my foot. She asked me "why you have a boo-boo?" So I told her it's b/c I was scratching. She asked me "why you scratching?" I told her b/c I was itchy. She said "oooh. b/c you have כינים."*



*I don't really have any plagues.