Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Toto, I think we're in New York.

I've lived in New York my whole life. I grew up in a town that is famous for their buses having a מחיצה down the middle. That alone should explain why I dislike it so much and moved out. I now live in NYC - which is famous for a lot of other reasons, but is definitely not known for having friendly people. That's why whenever people ask me where I'm from, and they think I'm from "out of town", or somewhere outside the NY metropolitan area, like Detroit, I take it as a very high compliment. It means they think I'm a nice person. So thank you for that.

I never really thought of myself as one of those cocky NY-centric geographically inept people who typically lives here and thinks that NY is the center of the Universe and everywhere else is just a suburb.....like Pennsyltucky, or Ohidaho, or New Jersey. However, after this past shabbat, I might have trouble proving that.

I went to Philadelphia - in Pennsylvania, but not the capital - see? I know stuff! I went there for a aufruf and a wedding. The whole weekend was amazing....soooo glad I went...with my ducks....which all quack....a lot. Besides the ducks, there were a lot of people who came in from Chicago for the weekend also. So as a nice friendly non-NY-ish gesture, I wanted to welcome them after they traveled from far. So I said to them on Friday, "Welcome to NY" to which they replied, "Um...we're not in NY", afterwhich I felt really dumb. I knew we weren't in NY. I had just spent 2 hours in a car traveling there. And when we got there, there were trees. So of course we were not in NY. NY doesn't have those big "tree" things. We don't even know what trees are. But they are a lot prettier than the tall ugly buildings I see from my windows.
The rest of the weekend, it just became the big joke that I'm from NY and that NY is the center of the universe and nowhere else matters. So I began calling everyone out-of-towners - which was ironically true b/c most of the ppl there were actually not from Philly either. So really, we were all out-of-towners - except for me, of course, being from NY, the center of the Universe.
At the שבת כלה, in the afternoon, one of the women gave a really awesome דבר תורה explaining the phases of the moon and how witnesses used to report when ראש חדש was coming. She even had a demonstration involving paper cut-outs of the sun, the earth, and the different phases of the moon. It was sooo cool! When she put the Earth on the table with the sun, she showed how our angle is going to be from Antarctica. I quickly jumped up and asked, "Wait, where's NY?"

So I just want to set the record straight. In my defense, I really don't believe that New York is the center of the universe. I actually don't like New York so much. (altho Toys R Us on 42nd street is reeeeally cool! They have a ferris wheel in the store!) I hate Monsey and I totally hate Brooklyn. Western NY State, like up by the finger lakes is beautiful and more like the rest of the US in terms of it's actually really nice there with friendly ppl and stuff. But I'm sort of (not at all) like an abused child who still loves the abusive parents. The child doesn't know any different. So too, I've lived in NY my whole life and therefore I don't know any better. That's not really my fault.....right?

p.s. See Josh, I didn't mention my birthday once in this whole post.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I love my roommates

I really do. I was being all bummy and whiny about my birthday, that it was during the 9 days, and how no one did anything, and stuff. But my roommates came into my room at midnite and sang to me - both my english and hebrew birthdays. And they each bought me a present. And they haven't ripped my "happy birthday" sign off the wall. Oooh and one of them let me punch her to let out all my aggression! That was awesome! She is a personal trainer and she has boxing gloves that I wore and she wore those mits so she can take my punches. So I didn't actually punch Her. So apparently I had a lot of aggression - and apparently I'm very strong - who knew - so I almost broke her. Sorry about that... But I reeeeally appreciated it. And now I feel a lot better.
Anyways, I love my roommates. I'm very lucky.

Monday, August 14, 2006

חפץ חשוד

A few weeks ago, Esther and I were walking around Best Buy and we stumbled into the TV show DVD section. I spotted She-Ra on DVD and I flipped out. She is the coolest cartoon ever! She totally kicks butt - literally! So Esther bought it for me for my birthday - seriously best birthday present ever!
Last week, while I was all bummed b/c my birthday came out during the 9 days and I did not get a party, I got a package in the mail. I was not expecting anything and I hadn't ordered anything and I didn't recognize the return address, altho the envelope said EBay on it. But I didn't bid on anything......or I don't remember bidding on anything....uh-oh.... So I opened it. It was the best of He-Man on DVD! I'm trying to figure out how this came to me. First I thought maybe Esther bought it for me. But she already bought me a present so why would she buy me another one? Then I thought maybe someone saw it on my wish list. But it's not on my wish list. I thought of trying to track down the return address through ebay and asking him who purchased it. But that takes too much effort and it probably wouldn't work b/c I wouldn't give some random person that kind of info.
Oh beloved gift giver, please let me know who you are. And also, thank you for buying for me a most awesome gift.

*For those who don't know, a חפץ חשוד literally means "suspicious object". It's a phrase used in Israel to describe any bag or package or anything left unattended that could potentially be a bomb, חס ושלום.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I'm such an idiot

Ok. I'm not really an idiot. But that's the only explanation for the biggest mistake of my life and ironically, the first mistake I've ever made....on the day I was born. I was born during the 9 days. The 9 days are a time the Rabbis established for all Jews to mourn because of all the horrible things that have happened to the Jews over the centuries which they attribute to the fact that Jews keep sinning. It culminates with Tisha B'av, a day of national mourning for all the horrible things that happened during this time of year, particularly the destruction of both Batei Mikdash. It's basically a very very sad time with a few restrictions, such as no parites, no meat, no wine, you can't buy anything new, etc. So I chose to join the world during this fabulous week. But not just during. I was born the day before Tisha B'Av. What was I thinking?! Some years, my english birthday comes out before or after the 9 days. Like last year when I was able to have a really awesome party (where Yehuda met Dena and now they are getting married and they are my 4th couple!) But this year, my english birthday came out on the 7th of the 9 days. When friends asked me what did I do for my birthday? Did I do anything fun? Any fun parties or anything? I said no. I can't do that. So I watched Gilmore Girls and ate dairy. Nothing against Gilmore Girls, but I want meat. And I want a party. So I beg all Jews to please stop with the sinning. It's generally bad for us, and it doesn't look good for yourself either. But really, I don't like being cheated out of proper birthday parties! So please stop sinning already so I can have a party on my birthday! (Oh and also, it will bring Mashiach)

Yet another joke on my life

Wanna hear a funny joke? Abigael's sent me a coupon for a free entree for my birthday and it's good 7 days before until 7 days after my birthday. That's 15 days. Cool, right? In case you don't know, Abigael's is a lovely meat restaurant. Meat is one of the few things that is not allowed during The 9 days. Well, 7 days before my birthday this year is Rosh Chodesh Av thru the 7th of Av. So there go those 7 days. Then my birthday is on the 7th. Then the 7 days after my birthday are 8th of Av & Tisha B'Av, and then Friday & Shabbat. Then we have Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. So, because the Jews sinned, and are still sinning, and we are all mourning, and now we can't eat meat this week, out of the 15 days that my coupon for a free entree is valid, I can only use 3. And you better believe I'm going to use it during my 3 days.