Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Wocka Wocka!

You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!"
You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up.
If only your routine didn't always bomb!
You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

My brain is totally Orange!

Your Brain is Orange

Of all the brain types, yours is the quickest.
You are usually thinking a mile a minute, and you could be thinking about anything at all.
Your thoughts are often scattered and random - but they're also a lot of fun!

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about esoteric subjects, the meaning of life, and pop culture.

Monday, February 26, 2007

A quarter is worth a thousand dollars

I live in NYC where, surprisingly, a lot of things in life here revolve around having quarters. There are certain things that you can only pay for in quarters. The three that come to mind are laundry, buses, and parking meters. I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of them now. I never realized how much a quarter is worth. You all think I'm nuts because of course a quarter is $.25. Boy are you wrong! A quarter might literally be worth $.25, but when you get on that bus to go to work, or you're in the laundry room with a washer full of soaped up clothes, or you're in a car with the spot by the meter, you can have a million dollars in 10 different bank accounts, and you can have a hundred dollar bill in your wallet. But if you don't have quarters, you are so screwed. You can't stay on the bus, you can't do your laundry, and you have to move your car, or risk getting a ticket - which costs way more than just the quarters it costs to feed the meter. I suggest, before you go anywhere, you can have that $100 in your wallet. Just make sure some of it is in quarters. Or you might be stuck somewhere with no clean clothes and no way to get home.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Mis-Fortune Cookies

I never ever save my fortunes from the cookies because they always suck. I always get the ones that say stuff like "You made a wrong turn on your road of life. Turn around and start over" - I don't make this stuff up.
Meanwhile, I opened my wallet today to pay for something and I found 2 fortunes that actually don't suck. One says "A beautiful person is with you. Confide your problems." The other says, "Be happy with the person you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." I really like those. I guess that's why I saved them. And I did NOT save the one about my wrong turn.....altho I actually did make many wrong turns this weekend....that's b/c I don't know how to read road maps....

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Survival Tip #745

If you want your cell phone to be your alarm clock, and to wake you up in the morning, don't leave your cell phone on Silent. You probably won't hear it.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Why did God invent morons?!?!

I know why God invented morons. It's to make the rest of us feel smarter and gratified and to give us a good laugh.

Monday, February 12, 2007

The Internet apparently really IS for porn*

My office shares our internet server with a day school. It's sooooo.... frustrating. They of course don't want the students wasting time on Facebook, or playing Yahoo games, or searching for stuff they shouldn't be searching for. So they block everything. And I mean everything! They have this stupid "Barracuda Spyware Firewall" which is programmed to detect anything kids shouldn't be doing online. So it's really frustrating for me when I want to search for something or do something else or whatever it is, and I get a message like this one:

The URL: http://www.facebook.com/ was blocked

  • The link you are accessing has been blocked by the Barracuda Spyware Firewall because it contains filtered content, the content belongs to the category of: social-networking
  • If you believe this is an error or need to access this link please contact your administrator.
I couldn't even hyperlink to those sites I mentioned above b/c of those messages. It's even more frustrating when my internet at home doesn't work and I can't get onto all those websites, like Facebook, and I can't really do anything online beyond pay my bills. Fabulous!

But sometimes, the Barracuda messages are good for a laugh. I tried to buy "Ice Age 2" on dvd today from my work computer. I would think "Ice Age" is a cute movie and nothing inappropriate in it, unless you think woolly mammoths being all cutesy and romantic is rated R. I do not. I got the following message from Barracuda:

The URL:
(which someone checked out for me and it apparently leads to an adult film store so I'm not gonna post the url - but why would a nice cute DVD like Ice Age lead me to an adult film store website? I dunno) was blocked
  • The link you are accessing has been blocked by the Barracuda Spyware Firewall because it contains filtered content, the content belongs to the category of: porn
  • If you believe this is an error or need to access this link please contact your administrator.
I guess the internet really is for porn.* Who knew?

* That was, once again, a reference to the best musical ever! - Avenue Q. Definitely see it.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Aloha! Welcome to this planet!

Just so you know, Hawaii is actually one of the 50 United States of America. Actually, it's the last place to become a state. They acquired statehood on August 21, 1959. You can read more about Hawaii on Wikipedia.
So when you meet someone from Hawaii, do not welcome them to this country, or talk to them as if they don't speak english, or ask them why they decided to immigrate here. Not cool.

That was for you, SF, LF, HLF, and ?F

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Happy 100th!

One day, while I was showing off my blog to one of my loyal readers, I noticed that it said I have 99 posts. That means, for those of you who have math deficiencies, that this is my 100th post. So I thought I would do something fun like I did for my last birthday....or what I did for Heinz's birthday. And I didn't want to post anything else until I did this one - eventhough of course I thought of a lot of other things to post - but I wanted to make a really good 100th post. Of course I couldn't think of anything. I went to Google and I did all kinds of searches on the number 100. I came up with nothing. Then I searched on Wikipedia and I found a list of random things about the number 100 - like in Greece, India, & Israel, 100 is the number to dial for the police - kinda like their version of our 911. Also, did you know that there are 100 tiles in a standard game of Scrabble? Who knew! Also, there are 100 verses in the song "99 bottles of beer on the wall".*
But that wasn't fun enough to blog about. So I went back to Google and tried searching for things like "facts about 100". I still got nothing. But I found a really cool website with the most random facts....like if Coca Cola didn't have food coloring added to it, it would be green. Eeeew....green soda.....who would ever drink that?** Or
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life. I loooove Bert and Ernie! So I thought that was cool. So this awesome website has a lot of other fun facts. They get funnier as you scroll. So you should definitely check it out.
Then I thought as I'm writing this that I could try to get 100 hyperlinks into this post. But that would take waaaaay too much effort.
Then I thought I would look up how to say "100" in a lot of other languages. But that was fruitless. But I know a song that teaches you how to say "Hello" in many other languages. It's from the amazing cartoon, Animaniacs. You should check out the lyrics. It's much funnier if you know the tune. Maybe I'll sing it for you.....one day....or not....
So happy 100th to me. I hope you enjoyed all of my 100 posts. And may the next 200 be even more fun! And may we all be zoche to see the coming of the Beit Hamikdash bim'heira b'yameinu, Amen! ***

* Now you have that beer song in your head, don'tcha? Sorry about that. I could get the Animaniacs Hello song stuck in your head, but I think you might be more annoyed.
**About the comment on yucky green soda, if you don't know me that well, I'm a big fan of Mountain Dew. That's why that was funny.
***I also thought of writing a dvar torah about the number 100 but I couldn't come up with anything fast enough. Sorry. Maybe next time.