Happy Birthday to me and my blog

Apparently, my first blog post was about a year ago. I thought, a couple of weeks ago, about how I want to have a really good post for the anniversary of day that I started my blog. Of course, life happens and I totally missed it. (It was July 26th.) But I was reading some of my previous posts and I noticed how my blog has changed. I've learned so much....like how to type in עברית and how to comment on my own blog and other fun stuff.
It also happens that my birthday is this Tuesday, August 1st. So I want to wish myself a "Heri ya Siku kuu!" That's Swahili.....for real....I don't make these things up....ok maybe I make up some things...but this one is really for real.....

Survival Tip #39

If you walk into a door, it will hit you back.

הלכה-ic Loopholes - or the Jewish Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card

One thing I love about Judaism is all the loopholes that come with it. There are soooo many ways to get out of sinning. Like you can't eat, enjoy, or even own any חמץ on פסח so therefore, you have to get rid of all the חמץ in your house - including all your dishes and all your unopened food and anything else that can't be used on פסח. But the Rabbis came up with the ultimate loophole. If you sell your house, and everything in it, then you don't own it, ergo, you don't really own any חמץ and now you don't have to burn out your house. (and I just used "ergo"! hehehe).
Or how about how you can't carry on שבת. But it's ok b/c Rabbis said if we surround the area with dental floss, and call the dental floss an עירוב, it's fine and you can now carry on שבת.*
Then there are the smaller loopholes like בטל בשישים. Normally if you get milk in your chicken soup, it's ruined and it's טרף and you can't eat it. But the Rabbis said that if you drop milk in a vat of chicken soup but the amount of milk is less than 1/60th as the amount of chicken soup, then it's fine and you can eat your chicken soup. I like throwing those around for fun. Like when someone asks a הלכה-ic question, I'll just randomly scream out some loophole - or התר, as the Rabbis like to call it. Like when someone says what do I do about my keys on shabbat? Can I carry them? Are they מוקצה? And I just randomly say something like, "It's fine b/c of התר קירוב or בטל בשישים or אין בישול אחר בישול". (If something dry is already cooked, you can't הלכה-ically re-cook it so you can heat up food on שבת but not be sinning by cooking).
So the other day, someone asked me a question about fasting. What if you accidentally swallow water while you're swimming? Does that negate all your fasting. So I answered, with all my rabbinic expertise, that you probably shouldn't be swimming on a fast day to begin with. But also, the water is so chlorinated that even if you drink it on purpose, it's not good for you and you don't really benefit from it. And then he pulled my shtick and said "Yeah I guess it's not ראוי לאכילת כלב." (In terms of חמץ, if it's not fit for a dog to eat, don't worry about it.)

*I'm not חס ושלום knocking עירובים. Just making a silly post.

The joys of renting cars

I've been renting cars a lot lately. So when my mom called me and told me that my cousin might be getting married in Columbus, OH, my initial reaction was "ok I'll rent a minivan and we'll drive. it'll be so fun. we'll get other ppl to chip in and stuff....." My mom got all excited and we were thinking of who we could get to fill the van. About 20 minutes later, it occured to me that I don't need to rent a minivan because my mother owns a car! I don't need to pay for anything and I certainly don't need other people to help split the cost.
I really think I left my brain behind on my last road trip. If anyone finds it, can you return it please? Thanx.

Speaking of Green Beans....

This is an actual email that I received today. I just never thought I would ever hear a sentence like this ever in my life:
"Hey Arona, remember when we were standing in a parking garage at 8 in the morning eating green beans?"

I love you chaya!

giddyup giddyup

Did you ever notice this? When shul is up to שמונה עשרי, and everyone is taking their 3 steps back and 3 steps forward, and the whole women's section moves in unison in their noisy shoes and it sounds like horses moving - clip clop clip clop..... Yeah me either. But Dovid did. And he asked me to post this for him because he has not yet entered the world of blogging....or has he...?

Survival Tip #711

If you get tired while showering and you begin to yawn, turn away from the water.