knock knock...

Did you ever feel like God is playing a big joke on you? Like just to get a good laugh - because even God needs to laugh sometimes. So yeah, I feel like that today

Fun office game

My favorite coworker and I sometimes play games in the office....not always....b/c of course we're always working....but sometimes. The last game we played was that we tried to name 10 guys in 10 minutes who are not jerks. They had to be guys who we both know, not married, and around our age. It took us about 20 minuts to come up with 4. And 2 of them were married. We tried the opposite - 10 minutes to name 10 guys who Are jerks - with the same qualifications. It took about 10 Seconds to name 15! How sad is that?!?

Of course I still love guys more than girls and I thank God every day that I can marry a guy and not a girl. (I still love all my girl friends....dont' worry.)

And a shout out to Yoni who was one of the 4 guys in 20 minutes....and he asked me to mention him in my blog. Hi.

חג שמח

I want to wish everyone a חג שמח on יום ירושלים. Enjoy this special day for Israel.

Survival Tip #81

When listening to "unKosher" music, make sure your boss is not standing right there.

Actual conversation

I needed to talk to a friend. So I text'd her to call me. This is how the texting went:
me: CALL ME CALL ME
her: on the phone
me: no....on two cans and a string!

I'm soooo funny. Of course she meant she was on the phone and she couldn't call me. But my way was funnier.

Go Mommy! It's your birthday!

It actually is my mom's birthday tomorrow. So in honor of that, I thought I would post a really good story that happened to my mom last year. Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you! You can all call my mom on Friday and wish her a happy birthday. She'll love that!

About a year ago, while my mom (further referred to as Mommy) was getting a manicure, she started talking to the other lady (further referred to as Lady) getting a manicure - b/c what else is there to do while your hands are drying. Just for background reference, mommy wears pants and does not cover her hair and the lady was wearing a skirt and a full sheitel. So they were talking and of course, like all good mothers, they started talking about me, being a single woman, and lady's son, being a single man, and how we should of course get married......story of my life! For another post. Anyways, lady said to mommy that she wouldn't want her son to marry me b/c she wants her son's mother-in-law to cover her hair and in general to be more frum than mommy appears to be. So of course, mommy, the brilliant, sharp woman that she is, let lady have it! Mommy told her that Mommy is just as frum, if not more so than Lady! Mommy keeps just as kosher, and keeps the same shabbat and holidays, and davens every day, and mommy's husband (daddy) also davens 3 times a day..... So lady got all defensive and began apologizing....that's not what I meant.....you're taking it the wrong way.....I'm not judging......I'm just saying..... So mommy said that's what lady said.....if you don't mean it, you shouldn't say it..... Lady kept trying to explain herself that she just wants her son to marry into a family that is more frum than my family appears to be. My mother kept letting her have it. But mommy's final comment was awesome! Mommy told this lady "It's because of people like you that the בית המקדש was destroyed - because of שנאת חינם" (random senseless hatred of one another). I gotta say, I agree. Jews have a real problem with this concept of being tolerant of others. We are soooo judgmental - this one's skirt is too short....that one's hat isn't covering all her hair....that one's kippah is velvet, not crocheted..... I mean, really, we all got the same תורה. What is wrong with us?! And by the way, how can we expect the rest of the world to be tolerant of us, if we can't even be tolerant of us?

Well anyways, Mommy told her! Go Mommy! It's your birthday! Go Mommy!

שעשני כרצונו - take 2

To all of you who commented on my previous entry, where I casually mention Napolean Dynamite - WORST movie ever - at the bottom, I think you all missed the point of the post. The point was that Devora gave me the nicest compliment ever! But you all skipped that point and focused on the WORST movie ever! (Except Susanne - love ya!) I hated that movie. But I love Devora. And I'm lucky to have you too!

Happy Birthday

I just wanted to wish a Happy Birthday to a friend of mine that is very close and dear to my heart.....and stomach - Heinz Ketchup. Thank you for adding spice to my life....and making my food a more fun experience. Happy 130th!

Separate Seating?

I went to a meal a while ago. It was a fairly large meal with a majority of girls - which was surprising b/c the theme of the meal was meat. Everything had meat in it. Even the dessert was fleishigs. Anyways, there were 2 tables. One was mixed with guys and girls and single ppl and married ppl. The other table was about 10-15 girls. One of the guys at my table suggested to his roommate they go over there to balance the room. His roommate replied, "Yeah, that's the estrogen table". I almost had an accident.
I had forgotten about that comment. But this past shabbat, I went to the Seudah Shlishit in shul and for some odd reason, the seating works out similar to that meal....except the opposite - there's a mixed table and an all-guys table. Of course I sat at the all-guys table. I was talking to my friend there and he pointed to the "mixed" table - which is really mostly girls - and he said, "Ya know what I call that table, right?" What? "The Estrogen table"
I'm still laughing....

Survival Tip #39

If you are wearing a flary skirt, don't walk over a subway grate. When a train goes by, everyone will get a nice show.

Judaism is sexist

Ok I really think there needs to be a הלכה of קול איש! There's a guy.....not important how I may or may not know him....he is jewish.....and I just melt when he sings. He has such a beautiful voice. I just feel like if he can't hear me b/c my voice might be attractive to him, then shouldn't it go the other way also?? I mean, seriously! I'm willing to take on that הלכה.

שעשני כרצונו

My coworker, a girl, said to me today, "I'm so lucky to have you.....why can't you be a boy!" That's probably one of the nicest compliments I've ever gotten....not that I want to be a boy.....especially since then I'd have to marry a girl.....ichsa!.....but she wishes I were a boy so she could marry me......that's how much she loves me......ugh......it got lost in the translation......you had to be there......nevermind! GOSH!*


*that GOSH was from Napolean Dynamite - the WORST movie ever!!!! Hi Yehuda!

Survival Tip #8

Don't flip a bottle over to get the straw out if the bottle is not empty. You might get more than just the straw...

My blog is funny.....I'm just saying....

I have a friend from college who taught me a very valuable life lesson. He taught me that you can't always say whatever you want. But if you follow it up with "I'm just saying", it makes it all better and then you can say wahtever you want.....much like having a Brittish accent. Adding that magical phrase "I'm just saying" really means that you're not making any kind of political or whatever sided statement. It just means you innocently wanted to put a thought out into the air and perhaps point something out and that's all.
For example, let's say you have a friend who decided to live for a week on a water bubble and now he has liver failure and possibly many other things wrong with him. You might want to express that you feel bad from him. Then the other person in the conversation could respond something like, "How can you feel bad for him? He's an idiot! Why would you live in a bubble for a week?! Of course you're going to have stuff wrong with you! Besides what is already wrong with you." Now you can respond to this person "I'm just saying..." and that will fix everything. It is telling the person that while you agree that this dude may very well be an idiot, you can still feel bad for him - and that's all you wanted to say.

However, there are ways you can abuse the phrase, "I'm jsut saying....", that are NOT cool! For example, you can not just walk over to a person and say something like, "Dude, you are the ugliest person on the planet. Please cover your face and don't come out". That would be mean. Perhaps if you have a Brittish accent, you could get away with it. But not everyone has a Brittish accent. Some people might think they do, but they do not. You really can't tell someone they're ugly and then add the magical phrase and it will all be ok. That would be abusing the power of the phrase. And it would also be very mean and I would be forced to pummel you. So don't do that.

Another thing this phrase is great for is when you say something weird and/or obvious but you don't want to look stupid. For example, if you randomly say something like "The sky is blue". Well Duh! What planet did you just fall off of. But if you add the magical words "I'm just saying", it's all good.

I think having a Brittish accent is way cooler. You can get away with a lot more. But for now, this works too. I'm just saying....

Survival Tip #42

Don't start washing a large load of dishes if you have to go to the bathroom.

Some people are such idiots

About 2 years ago, my roommate set me up with a guy. He took me to Toys 'R' Us on the first date and bought me Operation. It was a really fun date. For the second date, we were gonna go to a football game on some sunday in December. I was very excited to go to a football game. But that sunday it snowed a lot - and they never cancel football games. But I was starting a new job that monday and he wanted me to meet him in Midtown but I dind't want to take a chance and get sick or something right before my first day at a new job. So I called him up and explained that to him. I said it's not that I don't want to go, but I just don't think it's a good idea that day. He was very understanding and it was all fine. Until....about 10 minutes later, he called me back and said, "Not to make you feel bad, but I'm still going to the game". Ok. Go have fun. What do I care. Then he continued and said "and to make you feel bad, I called my friend and said what are you doing today and he said not so much and I said you wanna go to a football game and he said I'll be ready in 10 minutes". I thought to myself why on this planet was that necessary. So I chalked it up to the fact that guys are jerks.....which was further proven when he didn't call me and then he finally did call me to apologize for not calling but that apology phone call was 3am.
I slowly forgot about him until he IM'd me today "call me call me". I was shocked and wondering why is he out of the blue wanting to talk to me. so I wrote back "what's your phone number?" and he wrote it back to me. I had my hand on the phone and I asked my friend what I should do and I was about to call him, when his next IM said "wait who is this? sruly?"